my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Randomize
