Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I believe in your delicious
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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