I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
