I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
