whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
