it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
