tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
