God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
