Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
