My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
