i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
