R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
