I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
