do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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