my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Who died my cat blue again?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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