No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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