I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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