it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
