11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
