I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
