She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
