Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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