Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize