I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
