this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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