He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
