They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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