dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize