yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
