put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i will never coherently bang her
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
