Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I party with great urgency now.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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