You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize