i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
