I hate all girls vehemently.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
you made out with another girl for some wings
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
