and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
