I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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