Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
