Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
