those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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