i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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