I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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