got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
