I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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