when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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