This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
