I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
