i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
