i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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