I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So much rum. So many feels.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
