We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
