is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
