guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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