if you like me you must not know who I am
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
