I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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