hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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