Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
