Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I am naked and annoyed.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
