I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
