oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
3 2 1 whiskey
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
