I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
