Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
