hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
