You really coming over, don't trick.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
