He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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