My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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