if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
