She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
