Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
