New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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