Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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