I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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