i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
