I wish my penis had an off switch
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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