Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize