Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
