I could have mohawked her pubes.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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