i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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