You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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