I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
