I was born with a shot glass in my hand
This gyro tastes like lonliness
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
