Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
