I am midnight drunk by noon
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
