He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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