oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
