I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
