the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
