You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
