is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
