I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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