If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
