If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
