Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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