Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
