i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
