What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
