made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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