it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize