Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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