I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
