Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
