i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
